gh 2011

Caution: Endless chatter about soap operas (and my dream of someday writing for one) about to ensue.

And now to get down to business...

1) Brenda must die.  Preferably at her own wedding.  Sonny, her husband of all of 3 minutes (if we're lucky), will do his best to swear off women.  Six weeks should do it.  (This is Soap Opera Land, after all.)  This will give GH writers time to create the back story for his next femme fatal: an assassin named Lola (real name Saffron Jones) hired by indignant mob relatives of the disrespected Lopez Brothers to right the wrong perpetrated by the Corinthos Organization when it framed said Hermanos Lopez for the bombing of Johnny Zacchara's car.  Lola/Saffron will weasle her way into Sonny's life, gathering incriminating information as she goes (like that ever works?!?), then attempt to bomb Sonny's car, poetic justice style.  Something will, of course, go wrong, and they will end up trapped together for at least 72 hours under a boulder or something and inevitably fall in love.  It will be perfect.  Then, like so many disposable characters before her, Lola/Saffron will die on *her* wedding day. 

2) Lulu will finally dump Idiot Dante's bohiney.  Why?  A: Their romance got boring some time ago.  B: Dante was dumb enough to fall for Brenda.  C:  I have other plans for Dante.  But first, my plans for Lulu.  Lulu's scallawagging but loveable half-brother, Ethan, will recieve an unexpected houseguest, his long-lost mate and once-upon-a-con partner in crime, Shepherd Jennings.  (And, yes, he will speak with an accent.)  Shepherd, tired of running from the law, is ready to make right and go strait, but he's got one more debt to settle and Ethan is the only one he can trust (maybe).  Lulu, ever the guardian of plans about to go awry, will, of course, step in to provide a much needed moral compass.  Partnering with these loveable ne'er-do-wells will remind her of the good old days and, presto, she and Shepherd will start to fall and fall hard.  Luke (Lulu and Ethan's father), will then sell Ethan and Shep controlling interest in his (er, Tracey's) casino, the two will go legit (sort of), and Lulu will be happier than ever with her new man.  Maxie, of course, will approve.  Win-win...win.

3) Dante, dumped and broken, will take a leave from the Port Charles Police Dept.  While on leave, he will discover the plot to kill Sonny.  He, Jason, Lucky and I'm-Not-A-Kid-Anymore! Michael will then join forces only to discover that the treachery goes deeper and darker than any of them could have possibly imagined.  Best of all, someone will die!

4) Dr. Lisa Niles, bane of Port Charles' existence, will happen upon a washed-up (literally), barely breathing Jerry Jax, mastermind of evil, while pulling over to text a friend (insert  "Don't Text While Driving" PSA here).  Lisa, no nice girl herself, will feel an instant attraction.  While nursing him to health, Lisa will discover that they share an uncanny love for NASCAR and making other people miserable.  Evil love will blossom just in time for Fall Sweeps and the most insane act of diabolical horror EVER.   

That's it... for now. 

If, by chance, any GH writers actually happen upon this post, please contact me ASAP.  I can start working right away.  Serioulsy.